Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm a-skeered

Right now I'm suffering a big case of "what ifs" and feeling quite sorry for myself. Today I should find out the results of the MRI on my foot. I will find out if I can go back to work tomorrow. I can't even begin to express how much I want to go back to work. On the other hand, I'm terrified I won't be able to stand for 8 hours. My foot is much better than it was two weeks ago. However, it still hurts when I'm on it very long. I did nothing over the weekend other than some housework. I didn't leave the house once- not even to walk to the mailbox. If my foot started hurting I sat down for a while. Will working all day re injure my foot? Will I go from manageable, minor pain to excruciating pain? Will sitting at home another week drive me completely out of my mind? What if I have to wear the stupid cast 10 more weeks? What if I need surgery? What if whatever is found on the MRI doesn't justify having had two weeks off of work? What if I DON'T get my results today? What if the doctor is sick?

Haha, yes, I know I'm being ridiculous. Unless I actually DO need surgery(not likely), I will barely remember this a year from now. I'm making missing work a much bigger deal than it is. I'm sure it bothers me far more than it bothers the coworkers I'm "screwing over." Whatever happens, happens.

But I suppose being out of control is the reason for my mental turmoil. (Neener-neener Ruthie Roth, I LOVE starting sentences with the word but!) I mean, I obviously KNOW there are many, many people with much worse illnesses and injuries. I am not comparing my boo boo foot to someone with cancer! It drives me nuts that something that doesn't bother me at all while I'm sitting and typing this entry can keep me out of work for two weeks! Why can't I just suck it up and go to work? How did I hurt it in the first place? Why did it happen?

Yes, poor, poor me. And poor, poor YOU if I ever have a REAL illness or injury and you have to be around me!

I am going to spend what is hopefully my final day off of work taking my son out for breakfast and cleaning the kitchen. I am going to relax and watch some bad television and spend too much time online. Perhaps I'll take a little nap with my cat. I have three minor writing projects to finish. I have PLENTY of stuff to keep me busy until my doctor appointment at 5:15pm. Twelve hours and 45 minutes...

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